Welcome back and welcome to any newbies. This post is about dating and how NOT fun it has been for me lol. First of all, I just want to say that I am not perfect and I completely understand some differing opinions. Moving on.
Some time ago, an old “friend” popped back into my life. This person and I flirted allllll of the time and it honestly was a game to me until one day it became serious. Now, I was dealing with multiple (yes, multiple) breakups at the time. I was 18 and that’s another story for another day, but with that being said, I never looked for anything serious with him. Eventually, life happened and we fell off. We would talk on social media here and there but nothing deep. This time around, this young man was adamant that he was ready for something real and the ball was in my court, etc etc. I’m a few months out of a relationship and haven’t really dated anyone, ever. So, I go for it. Now, let me tell you what should have been an INSTANT red flag in my book.
1. 1 kid (meaning it comes with a baby mother)
Listen, nothing against men with kids! But I say this should’ve been a red flag because I’m 21, and not interested in being ANYONES step parent, real parent, any parent. Not even on my type of time. AND, my experience with me and their child’s mothers has been no fun either. However I ignored it, told myself no biggie. Time goes on, and he asks to see me. So we set up a time for brunch. He lets me pick. I pick. I send the address. I get dressed. (I’m fine) I head to the restaurant. I get there and I wait. At this moment this should’ve been my second red flag. I never got out of my car because I don’t believe in looking stupid in public, I’ll be shamed in private lol. So I’m waiting and he calls me AFTER the time we were supposed to meet saying there was traffic and he’d be an hour late. Ok so here’s why I should’ve immediately left:
1. You’ve just now left to know there’s traffic? I’ve been here 15mins at this point.
3. An hour late is a cancellation. Period.
Me attempting to be nice and try this “dating” thing, I say ok. I’ll just run around until you get here. Ok cool. So I’m not sure what happened but eventually there was an understanding that he was headed to the wrong location(yes, I sent the address) and would make my wait time even longer. Me, who works two jobs, at that point was over it and I let him know maybe next time.
We go on to see each other after this maybe 3 times, BUT never out. He only came over to my place. And then when he would offer me out, it’d be for a reservation at his spot. Like that was a grand gesture😂. For me these are even more red flags that I keep ignoring for the sake of dating. I wanted to be taken out. I wanted a lot but I figured well I like him. So that excused so much. (Dickmatized, stop giving it up ladies) Most importantly, I was minimizing myself. Doesn’t seem that deep but it really is.
Either way, within a week we were having small “disagreements”. There were multiple passive aggressive moments that were annoying. There were MULTIPLE social media posts I was uncomfortable with considering they were coming from someone pursuing another. And then there was another baby. Yes. A whole baby. And a long over exaggerated story to go with it. In all of this, I could see what the future was going to bring. Pettiness. And I didn’t have time. By the end, my decision was very clear he was not going to be my next lol.
I say all that to say that dating is hard lol. It’s annoying and so many other things but one thing people don’t want to admit is that it’s a learning moment! In all the things I let slide in that situation, it taught me what I will or will not accept and how far I’ll go on compromising those things and how far I won’t.
I also learned to be more intentional with what I say and very specific. In dating, for me at least, there can be no blurred lines because that creates room for confusion. I still haven’t gotten it all figured out but I know what to take with me moving forward. The more important thing though is that it’s okay to want to be alone and enjoy it! I said yes to so much I normally never would for the sake of not wanting to be alone later in life. But this is honestly the part that’s preparing me to have to deal with somebody else’s shit later 😂.
To anyone else dealing with the same craziness, we’ll make it out. Just take the lessons and keep it pushing.
God bless, till next time.